Dilemma.. Finally resolved!

There are times in life when you never know whom to trust and whom not to. You want to make decisions. Vital ones. Just the fact that you don't have the guts or maybe the determination to choose one of the paths, the one which you fell is right.

Today, 2nd June 2009, I stand at exactly such a junction in my life. Maybe this article will be irrelevant to you or me tomorrow. But i only hope that it will be relevant to someone else, some other time.

It was 1st of June, 2009. A Resonance lecture. Mr. Parnami gives a mind boggling speech. My ISC plan is suddenly seeming useless. He's using his best convincing skills to dissuade me from joining ISC. I want to join ISC, I want to clear IIT-JEE. Parallel! They cannot exist together. A class full of people agree. “You don't get time to study!”, “The syllabus is tough” are some reasons. I listen without uttering a word. I'm confused. 31 students and 1 professor agree. Only i disagree. My point is simple, it is the student and not the college that makes an IIT-ian. If you are good, everything turns out to be good. All of a sudden, i seem foolish to myself for even thinking of such ideas!


I return home. Long Face. Mom spots something. She talks to me. She wants me to do ISC. I'm still not convinced. Even Dad tries, I still don't feel any less hopeless. What do I do.. the biggest question ahead of me. IIT- Dream, Goal, Option or Life? Time to decide! My thoughts wander. I fall asleep. The dilemna persists..


Next morning, i wake up. The college topic somewhere in the back of my mind. Mom asks me about my decision. I'm confused as ever. I call my friends up. All of their views differ from mine. My brain wants ISC. My mind wants ISC. The fear of falling behind the students who have ample of time to study is making my mind go irrational.


The other students, study day in, day out. They don't have to go to college. Sit at home. Study. No problems. Pretty cool. The problem with me is, I am one hell of a philosophical freak. I wanted a better question to be answered. Why do i live when I have absolutely nothing to look forward to in the whole day, or a whole month, or maybe even more, the whole damned year! I want a reason to live. Be it friends, football or whatever.


I think over it. I contemplate again and again. Will i fall behind?! Do i have the resolute needed!? Am i fit enough to be an IIT-ian!? I answer to myself, “ Who am i not to be!?”! Yes! I have my answer at last..! I will live life the better way and still not give up my IIT dream! It is me and not some stupid prof to judge my caliber!


Sadly, i agree that neither my guts nor my willingness to take a decision helped me out of this dilemma. It was something else. A trick of Fate you may say. Or a gust of fortune. Whatever it was, it sure was good! A piece of of the article from an unknown guy that perhaps might have changed my outlook towards things forever and ever..


“We can either be stubborn and get stuck up in a world less known for it's realism, or break open into society and accept what it wants. I wouldn't want to do a thing like that. i wouldn't be much concerned, what i would want to choose. What would concern me is, what i do eventually about it. Any choice you make, makes you learn, and be a better person. No two choices are always kept aloof from each other. At some point, everything comes down-to you. And if, you are the one holding the reins, then it's no point caring whom to listen to. Do it. Experience. And, let time take you ahead.

I don't know, how many actually would want to believe me. I don't know, if people would want me to regret my decisions. But all i know is, finally in the end, all that would matter is. ME. My life, and my destiny...”


Thank You Mr. Anurag Mohan (Owner of that blog) ! Thank You Mr. Pratik Parekh (IIT Kanpur, 2nd year mechanical) ! Thanks a million.